Day 21: Talkin' zombies and J.J. Hickson's fantasy value

(Oh, Shane... Illustration courtesy of Fresh Doodle)

I've done it.

After months and months of hard, tedious, grueling work, my doomsday device has at last been completed. Yes... Soon, you plebeian fools will all bow before me as I begin my worldwide campaign of death and destruction. And it will be through my tyrannical dictatorship that this world will be reduced to a smoking, dystopian hellscape in which my rule is law. Yes, the end is nigh, you fools. Cower before your future king!!!!!!

But enough about that.

What I really want to talk about today is The Walking Dead, which I finally caught up to after several months of Netflix-ing and DVR-ing. I had given up on the show about two years ago, but with Breaking Bad now complete, I needed a new basic cable program to latch onto (since I don't get HBO, yo). So I decided to give The Walking Dead another shot, and you know what? It's a very entertaining show. It's also an extremely uneven show, and at no point in watching it have I ever been able to completely embrace it as one of my favorites. Every time I think I'm about to fall in love it, some terribly-irritating flaw surfaces that proceeds to bug the crap out of me.

In fact, I'm so torn in how I feel about the show that the only way for me to evenly critique it, without sounding too harsh or too lovey-dovey, is to split up my negative and positive opinions in a new segment I call: Good Thing, Bad Thing. (I am going to be discussing what's happened up to the latest episode that aired, which is the sixth episode of Season 4. So, SPOILER ART: if you don't want anything revealed, you should probably skip to the bottom half of the article.)

Good Thing: The Special Effects are Amazing

Whoever does the prosthetic makeup on the show deserves to win every award under the sun for as long as The Walking Dead is on the air. These are seriously the best-looking zombies I've ever seen in any medium, movie or television show.

And it isn't just the zombies. I'm completely immersed in the universe the show has created. When the characters are wading through deserted towns and abandoned roads, I have no trouble believing that that's really what the American south would look like after the zombie apocalypse struck.

Bad Thing: There are Too Many Annoying Characters

Boy.

Okay, so at first Shane was the character who was absolutely ruining the show. That whole I'm-going-to-steal-your-family soap opera was becoming tiresome to watch. In fact, when Rick finally stabbed that dude in the gut, I damn near stood up and gave a standing ovation, and it wasn't because I was that into the moment. Rather, I was thinking: "Oh thank Christ. This is going to save the show."

But the show has a nasty habit of either pulling annoying characters out of thin air or, on a dime, randomly making a character flat-out unbareable. No sooner after Shane died, Andrea started sucking up all his old screen time and became just as, if not more, annoying. And when the show decided to dispense with her, they immediately switched it up and passed the annoying-as-hell baton to Carol.

There are too many characters on the show who, as a viewer, I truly don't give a damn about. There's something to be gained by having the occasional rogue, abrasive guy like Merle to make things more interesting. But when half the cast is literally occupied by people who you can't wait to be chomped on by zombies, that's a problem.

Good Thing: It's Intense and Dramatic

Even though I may not like some of the characters, when a zombie starts chasing after someone, I pretty much always am on the edge of my seat. It's truly a testament to the special effects crew that the most annoying characters in the show -- Shane, Andrea, etc. -- can be in a situation where they're being chased by the undead, and for some reason I find myself praying that they'll get out of it.

Really though, one of the best things I can say about The Walking Dead is that it really is non-stop action. The show never goes more than a few segments, it seems, without showing a horde of zombies that need to be stabbed, or someone getting sick, or some enemy conjuring up a plan, or an annoying character talking about how they're going to go out and do something stupid. For all it's faults, T.W.D. is never, ever boring, and that's a compliment that almost makes the rest of my complaints irrelevant.

Bad Thing: The Writing is Horribly Uneven

This, to me, is THE biggest problem with the show. When Lori was on the verge of death in Season 3, I didn't care all that much about her plight because the writers hadn't done a good enough job making her likeable. When she died, I didn't feel a modicum of sadness or anything. This was one of the central, key characters of the entire show, someone who I should have been devastated to see go, and yet I was pretty much unmoved by it.

The reason the writing is weak is that it's woefully inconsistent. I'm coming off of Breaking Bad, where every decision a character might make could be properly analyzed or rationalized, even if you didn't personally agree with what that person was doing. With The Walking Dead, characters change their persona almost on the spot; someone who might be benign in one season becomes angry in the next one. At the end of Season 2, Rick had a respectful view of Lori and was calm and collected, but by the time Season 3 kicked off, suddenly he was a loose-cop crazy man who hated his wife.

Oh, and don't get me started on Andrea, the worst-written, most indecisively-awful character in the history of television. This is the character who spent all of Season 3 whining, with her condescending expression, about how everyone should just get along because she said so. And even when she died, she tells everyone that all she wanted to do was keep everyone alive. But that's bullshit, because in Season 2, she was all in favor of them killing that Randle kid they had picked up on the road. AND, she had also given a female character the option of getting to kill herself by handing her a knife for which to do it with.

The writing on the show just isn't tight enough. It's bad enough that this character actually had to plainly tell us in her dying moments what her intentions were all along -- as it violates the universal writing code of Show, Don't Tell. But it wasn't even believable. You can't construct a character who spends most of the series being indifferent to certain people's misery, and then try to pass off that character as some compassionate peace-maker.

Good Thing: The Story is Unpredictable

I'll give The Walking Dead this: I never, ever know what's going to happen next. Sure, in this latest episode, I wasn't really buying that Glenn was in any danger of dying, just because he's now too central a character for them to so randomly kill him off. But at the same time, I never, ever expected Lori to die, and sure enough, they dispensed with her right in the middle of Season 3, just completely out of nowhere.

Bad Thing: The Characters Make Stupid Decisions

Okay, so if I were running around in the zombie apocalypse, maybe I wouldn't make the best decisions all the time. Maybe I'd do things that I'd later regret. BUT I don't think I would suddenly revert to being an imbecile. Too often, things happen on the show that were so head-slappingly avoidable that it seriously takes away from the story's intensity.

For instance, in this latest season, the whole storyline of the infection outbreak isn't believable to me at all. Why? Because the characters live in a freakin' prison, with cell doors that can be locked! Here's an idea: lock the friggin' extremely-well-secured cell doors when there are dudes running around who are sick! I mean, if you don't lock or even close the doors, what's the point of even being in a prison?

Okay, so I could understand people being under some open-door policy before the outbreak hit. But once they all knew what was happening, and they shoved all the infected people into one wing of the prison, it was just sillyness not to contain them all in individual cells. When Doctor S. got bit by someone, my reaction should've been "Oh no!!!!" instead of what it really was, which was: "Well, yeah dude... that's what you get for not locking the doors."

Summation

Like I said, for all its faults, I still like The Walking Dead and am committed to watch it each week, no matter how far off the rails it may go. I do think, though, that so many of its problems could be fixed if writers were brought in who knew how to organically develop characters. Basically, if the dudes behind Breaking Bad were running the show, The Walking Dead would unequivocally be the best thing on TV. (Of course, that'd be true of every show. God I miss Breaking Bad...)

Oh, and speaking of old, shambling monstrosities who need to be put out to pasture...

• The Brooklyn Nets lost again on Monday, this time at home to the Portland Trail Blazers. Shaun Livingston started in place of the oft-injured Deron Williams and had 23 points on 8-12 shooting, including a posterizing dunk over Robin Lopez that they're replaying on ESPN a lot today. But, curiously, he was left on the bench during crunch time. Andray Blatche, meanwhile, had 10 points and 5 rebounds with Brook Lopez hurt, but, curiously, Blatche did not start in place of him; Reggie Evans instead got the nod and played 27 minutes, scoring 5 points and pulling down 9 rebounds. Livingston and Blatche aren't horrible fill-in options while Williams and Lopez get back to full-strength, but because of Jason Kidd's borderline-insane coaching decisions, neither player is bound to put up as many stats in their absences as they probably should.
• Mo Williams had another good game for the Blazers: 12 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds. Even playing behind Damion Lillard (19 points, 9 assists) and Wesley Matthews (24 points, 6 rebounds, 5 three's), Williams has been consistent and is worthy of being on your fantasy team -- especially since his value will go through the roof if either Lillard or Matthews slip on a banana peel and sprain an ankle.
• Jeffrey Taylor had a nice night for the Bobcats, scoring 20 points and adding 5 rebounds off the bench against Chicago. Taylor is averaging double-digits this season, but he doesn't a hell of a lot besides score, as he's averaging just 2.7 rebounds and 0.8 assists per game. He's best left on the waiver wire barring an injury to Gerald Henderson (who had 16 points, 8 rebounds and 6 assists).
• Derrick Rose's crappy season continued on Monday, with D-Rose going 4-13 from the floor and finishing with 12 points, 5 assists and 3 rebounds. Yes, he's sluggish and rusty and has been a monstrous disappointment for his fantasy owners. But so long as he's healthy, he's capable of playing like the Rose of old at some point. Rose is a terrific buy-low candidate.
• J.J. Hickson had his best game yet as a Denver Nugget, posting a line of 18 points, 19 rebounds and 2 blocks. Hickson averaged a double-double a game last year in Portland, where he got to play 29 minutes a night. With JaVale McGee out, there aren't many obstacles keeping Hickson from attaining that many minutes on a regular basis in Denver, so he's a terrific add right now, having grabbed at least 7 rebounds in all but one game this season.
• Kevin Durant had 38 points, 8 rebounds and 6 assists, although he could have shot a little better (11-27). Still, great game. The same goes for Russell Westbrook, who had 30 points, 7 assists and 12 rebounds (ooh la la).
• Tony Wroten continues to love life without Michael Carter-Williams, as he put up 19 points, 3 rebounds, 3 assists and 5 steals in his absence. Wroten has not only been an absolute beast with MCW out, he's been a decent scorer even when he's come off the bench; Wroten has scored in double-figures all but twice this season and has an impressive average of 13.7 points, 3.5 rebounds and 3.2 assists. Obviously, his value is going to plummit like a crashing satellite when MCW returns, but his averages have been so good this year that he still might be useable even as a sixth man.
• Shawn Marion's solid season continued on Monday, with the veteran forward getting 20 points, 7 rebounds, 2 steals, 2 blocks and 2 three's. Yes, he's even begun to hit three's again, something he hasn't done in ages. Marion isn't the fantasy juggernaut he was when he was in Phoenix, but he's still pretty serviceable.
• Stephen Curry had 22 points, 8 assists, 6 rebounds and 4 three's. More importantly though, he appeared rattled after getting into a collision with a player during the game. In the post-game interviews, Curry's injury was described as merely a "headache," meaning we shouldn't expect him to be out for long, if at all.
• Harrison Barnes had 17 points and 5 rebounds on 7-10 shooting for the Dubs. As the only reliable player on the Warriors' bench, Barnes is in line to get a solid slate of minutes this season, and is so talented anyway that he's going to be useful for you down the line.
• Tony Allen was ejected 10 minutes into the Clippers-Grizzlies game for kicking Chris Paul in the face. Having seen the replay of it, I don't believe the contact was intentional. Still, it was an unfortunate, flukey outcome for anyone who happens to own Tony Allen.
• For CP3, meanwhile, the good times kept on rolling. Chris Paul posted 18 points, 11 assists and 9 rebounds and has now tied Magic Johnson's record of 11 straight double-doubles to open the season. Paul is playing spectacular right now and is reinforcing the fact that he's, by a country mile, the best pure point guard in the NBA.
• Today's word of the day that Blogger doesn't recognize as a word: "dystopian."